And improve your confidence, your life and relationship with yourself at the same time
I wish I had learnt sooner to love the skin I am in, but I am so glad I do now. You can too! In this post I'm gifting you some powerful questions to help you make your own transformation so I recommend grabbing a coffee, some paper and a pen to make the most out of it 🙃
When I hear clients talk about food, exercise or their body in a negative way I realise how far I have come, how quiet my internal world is compared to theirs. The obsession with my body no longer consumes my every thought. I feel confident and accepting in my appearance. How amazing it is I have the tools to help them, and you, quieten down and manage your inner critic too.
As an actor and fitness coach I have felt immense pressure over the years to look a certain way. The pressure I put on myself to look a certain way as a teenager is what partly lead to me having anorexia. That and a whole heap of other low self esteem issues! I have learnt now to not connect my appearance to my worth, value and potential. I no longer feel as though my body is my only calling card. I used to keep it (my body) so hidden and I am still learning to find a new way with clothes and self expression, happy that I am here now enjoying the process.
In my work as a Personal Trainer this complicated relationship with my body absolutely held me back in my work or I would prioritise exercise over doing the ground work to build a thriving business. It's strange how much discomfort in your skin can stop you from putting yourself out there or choosing how to communicate about your skills. I would shy away from promoting myself. I think I had to figure out this relationship I had with transformation myself, what does it mean, why do we call it that. To ensure I only every promoted a safe approach for others who did want to change, to not give anyone my unhealthy habits with food or exercise.
It's taken me a decade of exploring, so you're in safe hands! Now is the time to share all of my tips, tricks and mindset hacks to guarantee your success for the long term!
Fitness to me has always been about how it helps me and you feel, function and operate although for a long time it was also how I felt in control of my body, it was connected to a calorie burn or sweating out the indulgence of the night before, helping me manage the binge and restrict cycle I had with food.
In marketing I have avoided using the bodies of others to promote my services for fear of it all seeming about fat loss. But of course, so many people come to trainers to be able to achieve that as a goal so you want to see the physical changes. That in itself has been my own form of self sabotage over the years! That's a post for another day :-)
It is why I am such a fan of mindset as the foundation to all physical change - it is only in reframing my perception of myself and my body that I feel so alive, confident and in respect of myself. We are constantly evolving and mindset work allows you to fully enjoy the ride even when you are most challenged.. In letting go of trying to control every outcome I have managed to find a balance where I am still in control of my life but with a freedom to explore what is possible without trying to make my body look a very specific way. I have been able to transform my life with improving my relationship with both my body and myself. I have learnt to trust my abilities as an individual as a result, or that perhaps this has been the very key component in finding absolute peace in my body. Sure there are days I feel uncomfortable in myself but these days are easier to ride and I know better than to slate my body because of them.
The thing is, is that I would be naive to say it doesn't matter, what we look like. Ultimately we know not to judge a book by its cover, buttttt we do. It's instinctive. We do also have the power to remind ourselves not to do that, and I encourage you to notice judgement thoughts that come in when meeting new people or what you think about someone's body/appearance when you see them.
Where are your thoughts of others negatively impacting your own choices or feelings?
Where do you compare yourself?
Any comparison must be immediately reframed so you don't see yourself as anything or anyone less than the person in front of you. Stop seeking out all the perfect qualities you see in others, you are inadvertently looking for the gaps to be able to put yourself down. Be accountable for your thoughts, you are in control, not your subconscious mind.
In a client, audience or forward facing role we get to choose almost how we are perceived. That can be hugely powerful and also a bit pressurised, so we need to balance those things to be able to both achieve what we want physically whilst also living as well as we can mentally, energetically and emotionally.
Strangely, during these reframes, I have now seen and felt incredible physical changes in my body. I am closer to the body I always dreamed of having, without being focused on anything to do with weight or size. I am stronger, I listen more to myself when I need rest, I value the slower days as much as the faster ones. I can no longer run due to persistent knee pain after knee surgery in 2023 and so now it is about looking after myself for the long term, rather than thrashing myself, running on empty or relying on exercise to keep me mentally well. Exercise with a child now is even more of a privilege, it is an important part of living an optimal life. It is never about beating my body up.
It can be the same when you are struggling to get started. The effort doesn't feel so hard when it is in alignment with a deeper sense of trust in yourself. When you enjoy your life more as a result. When you buy the bigger clothes size and are not effected because you know you are happier in yourself and that if you are working on and investing in yourself, over time, your body will continue to change.
It is a feeling. My body is a home I am happy to live in, I can refurbish whenever I want!
What do you need to do to be able to feel at home in your body?
My body is mine to look after, we are a team. I feel so much less pressure on myself, in the moments I have a glimpse of comparison to those around me I am able to bring my attention back to my reality, it helps enormously with protecting self worth esteem. My relationship with myself, food, and exercise has improved exponentially. I would call it a form of healing in many ways. There is a peace and quiet I hadn't experienced for much of my life, so I'm excited to help you find your own version of acceptance and confidence in yourself!
When we don't feel very good in our skin, it is easy for everything else to snowball. Suddenly our whole life can feel very grey in comparison to what everyone around us seems to have.
I had a client the other day how sad they felt for all the years they had lost to feeling unhappy in their body but they are slowly making the improvements now, and it was better now than in 30 years time.
One of the secrets I will share with you is that it is the internal shifts you make that have lasting change on your external appearance. To reiterate, I would be lying it I said my appearance doesn't matter to me, it does, but I have found that my focusing on how I want to feel (eg strong, energised, confident, rested) my physical changes have come naturally as a result. I stress eat less, I sleep better, I have more natural energy. All of these things impact my appearance and confidence as a result.
If we were all happy in our bodies I think the world would be constantly bubbling with positivity, creativity and confidence! Of course, really the world is like that much of the time, but sometimes in your own personal world, when you feel unhappy in your body it can be a very uncomfortable, self conscious and even nerve wracking place to be.
I want to note in this post that the 6 steps below are a framework for a lifelong commitment to your body, health, confidence and overall well being. Your body will change as a result but most importantly, so will your relationship with yourself. Transforming your body is far more enjoyable when you continuously set new targets, goals, commitments and accountability for yourself. When you embody movement as part of you, something that you do when you can as best as you can.
By focusing on how you want to feel, your choices then become way less also about diet foods or the moral value of exercise, food, and effort. Of course, the science helps. How and what you eat, how and what you do training wise, how and what you do for rest all matters - but from focusing on how you want to feel the physical transformation becomes an incredible by product. You can enjoy the changes without it being the focus
Until we address the deeper beliefs we have about ourselves and commit to letting go of old thoughts, habits and actions we stay stuck in that yo-yo cycle of success and sabotage. I know because after overcoming an eating disorder, low self esteem and very low confidence in myself/my body, it is only after following the steps below that I, and those I have worked with, have made lasting changes to their body.
Yes we can absolutely create a very aesthetic change in say, a 12 week programme, with a strict nutrition protocol and daily movement, but often this is either unsustainable or requires extreme restriction. It also entirely depends on your body, your history with exercise, your lifestyle and other life commitments. Programmes though, are not to be knocked and can absolutely provide you with the structure and kick start needed to feel fitter, happier and stronger in yourself and your skin.
Being committed to your body is amazing and yes you absolutely can make incredible changes in just a couple of weeks when you commit to it. I recommend spending a few minutes if you have them to consider each step. Perhaps your transformation comes in the changes in your perception of yourself, maybe you'll stop being the school bully and instead become your own best friend (recommended 🙃). Take the time now, there is a tonne of helpful coaching prompts in here to really ensure you make long term change, otherwise you're just reading a blog post. Get prepared to take the action too - I believe in you!
SO, here’s how you do it
1. Get Clear On What You Want. Be HONEST About The Changes You Want To Make
2. Clarify What You Will Gain From Your Efforts: How Will This Change Your Life?
3. What Are You Missing To Make The Changes Happen? What Do You Need To Get/Do/Say or Organise?
4. Let Go Of Your Fear Of Weight Gain: Allow Your Body To Change
5. Value Yourself (More): You Are Your Most Valuable Asset!
6. Embody Your New Identity & Commit To Your Actions For Long Term Transformation
Let's break them down - if like me you are a lover of learning, make sure you put them into action too. I have realised I can be very good at procrastination around action! Reading, learning and listening almost feels the same as the doing. It is by taking the action you'll enjoy and yield incredible transformation
1. Get Clear On What You Want. Be HONEST About The Changes You Want To Make
WHY do you want these changes with your body?
What does transformation even mean to you?
When you look in the mirror what do you want to see? And no it can’t be the combination of all your fave supermodels, actors or fitness influencers :-) Sure, use them for inspiration but make sure you are seeing yourself. Maybe it's just that you have a smile, you are wearing the clothes you currently feel intimated to try on and feel super confident.
Imagine yourself having prioritised your health and wellbeing. What do you see in your imagination?
Be honest, are you already in an amazing shape and the desire to transform is an additional pressure you are putting on yourself because of your work or thoughts that you need/should look a certain way to be successful? I have had so many women over the years tell me they want to lose weight and all I can think is "where from!?" because they are already borderline underweight. If you are slim of perhaps you want to get stronger, build muscle or generally feel at peace in your body. Get clear on YOUR needs, goals and desires not what the latest social media post or Aunty Karen is telling you you need to do.
What are these desires/goals/new changes getting you? What do you want your body to feel and look like? Is this realistic? Focus on how you want to feel in your body above all else - eg I want to be able to leave my house confident in my body. Even if weight or fat loss is a goal, there will always be a deeper motivator - you want to feel less self conscious at work, you want to be able to play with your kids, you want to improve your digestion, you want to feel confident on a stage etc
2. Clarify What You Will Gain From Your Efforts: How Will This Change Your Life?
Look at the bigger picture of your life from a bird’s eye view.
How will this investment in yourself impact your life positively?
Imagine you have already achieved your desired outcome. How do you feel?
What do you have that you really want that is only possible for making this change happen?
What are you prepared to let go of to achieve your desired outcome?
Eg, if early mornings are the only time you can fit in a workout, will you let go of the pre bed phone scrolling to be able to get up earlier with more energy?
Will you commit to the end outcome for life and not just for a 12 week period?
We can't predict how quickly some changes will happen, so open up your perception of time to ensure you are able to enjoy the ride
What are you willing to commit to when it comes to the effort - how much can you adapt?
With a physical change we immediately think of workouts, but actually increasing your overal activity levels helps too, or perhaps you need to go the other way and chill out more! You need rest to recover and thrive creatively, energetically and physically. This balance is crucial not only for weight management but for mental wellbeing too.
What will you take away to be able to add in what you need to achieve your outcome? For example, to add a workout 2-3 times per week or to increase your overall activity levels how will you create the space for it? Sometimes it is a reframe of time - where are you telling yourself you don't have time (to put yourself first/rest/put in the effort)
If you had previously been able to train for 60 minutes but this is no longer possible can you do 15, 20, 30? Where can you get a bit more organised to help you with this? We have to be accountable for our time, choices and efforts - this is a hugely empowering place to be! . What does healthy look like for you define it
3. What Are You Missing To Make The Changes Happen? What Do You Need To Get/Do/Say or Organise?
What are you currently missing to achieve your desired outcome in how you feel/look/step into a room/out of your house?
When we look to make physical changes it requires some effort - thinking about how you will feel when you achieve your desired outcome, these changes can actually feel incredibly empowering. eg equipment, support, education, accountability, gym membership, coach.
What will you rebel against in your life?
For example, what habits do you currently have that are hindering the physical changes you wish to experience, see and feel?
What lifestyle choices are stopping you getting what you want? What do I need to change to be able to achieve *insert desired outcome*
Is that you can carve out a bit more time for yourself, that you actually even want to treat yourself to a nice lunch once a week to refuel well?
What boundaries can you implement? This can be helpful when you are very busy - what will you say no to in order to prioritise your health and wellbeing? Is it the daily trip to the pub, work, picking up all the slack at home?
What do you need to communicate to your partner/friends or even yourself?
This will help you stay accountable and also help with boundaries when people try to push you to do what they want! This is also useful with your thoughts - what do you need as guiding mantras of self belief in the moments you are challenged?
4. Let Go Of Your Fear Of Weight Gain: Allow Your Body To Change
You need to let go of your fear of weight gain and the control you feel in an aesthetic outcome to be able to get comfortable with eating, moving, living and making decisions in a way that has no moral labels attached to your appearance whatsoever (eg no more seeing good or bad food, avoiding making decisions on what is just the lowest calorie option possible etc) and possibly open your mind to eating an increased volume of food (in terms of a nutritional balance that reaches your goals and physical needs) alongside doing activities that bring you joy and help you feel alive. Things that take your focus away from your body all the time. Even your perception of "healthy" vs "unhealthy" is useful to observe here and the subconscious thoughts you have in connection to these tags.
If you have a job that is associated with your appearance, people looking at you or where you use your body for expression (eg performance, teaching, presenting or fitness/health coaching) this could be something to explore too: whether you are adding elements of control or restriction because you fear you won't work if your body doesn't look a certain way. Where is this belief (that your body needs to look a certain way) helping or hindering you?
As soon as we start comparing our bodies to other people we are telling ourselves we are not enough, that we are wrong in some way. It's great to be inspired by what others are capable of but notice any comparisons, jealousy or where you think someone is better than you because of their body. Notice the interesting link between that and how you start bring down other aspects of your life and your perceived achievements or how your confidence might feel knocked as a result
For every job or client we don't get because of how we look, there is a job or client more who will value you for being a happier, more energised authentic version of yourself. AND, game changer, you will be living a happier time in your body too, so you'll likely find new opportunities come into your life as a result.
We can so fear fat, getting fat, being fat. I speak from experience. With eating disorders the fear around certain foods means we can't actually put certain things even in our mouths. If you have an extreme judgement around certain foods or food groups (eg specific macronutrients - proteins/carbs/fats) you might feel the same.
We have grown up learning fat on our body is bad. That it makes us unattractive or an outcast. But this is so untrue. Our body needs it to function well. When you learn to let go of the fear of weight gain you also let go of the judgement you put onto your own body, and in doing so you open up so many more possibilities in trying to reach your goals.
You will reduce stress, anxiety and feel immediately lighter when you trust you will still be accepted by society and those you love by being YOU regardless of what size you are. In accepting yourself too whatever your size you can then make the changes you want to make from a place of possibility, potential and power. All that control comes back to you. Pretty cool huh! It is the fear of gaining weight that perpetuates that yo-yo cycle of restriction and binging or
You are about, in some ways, to become an up-level of yourself. You'll still be the same in many ways, but in this new commitment to yourself some things will change in how you spend your time, the choices you make, the ways you put yourself out there - all very exciting! In this too, we can often think "I need to move more and eat less" but this can add unhelpful subconscious beliefs. In order to make physical changes your body needs enough food to build more muscle, to move with energy, to work optimally.
What fears come up here?
What are you scared of? Often with physical changes we worry being looked at differently, maybe drawing more attention to ourselves. Maybe there are fears about the impact on your personal or professional life? What do you need to do to work through these?
5. Value Yourself (More): You Are Your Most Valuable Asset!
Focus on your relationships with food, exercise, yourself, your life. You need to VALUE yourself more. Take a pause and reflect on how much you have achieved this month let alone over your whole life! Reflect on what your body has done for you, how it has helped you, what it currently able to do. Connect to a genuine sense of gratitude. Even if you have challenging aches and pains, disabilities or illness there will be things you can connect to and be grateful for.
If you're a woman/mum it's possible you are terrible at acknowledging all you do - I know I have to actively remind myself of everything I am doing! If you're a high achieving entrepreneur/creative/founder I'm looking at you too. Likewise if you have hyper independent tendencies (aka I don't need help). I am all of these things too.
Connecting to a softer, kinder, nurturing, feminine energy is highly beneficial. It will open up more space for general self care - yoga, hot baths, a coffee/glass of wine with a friend or even by yourself.
You have to nurture and look after your energy and wellbeing to avoid burnout. When your work is heart or purpose lead this is extremely important because you are likely bringing so much of YOU into your work. Ensure you keep yourself and your work separate where you can to be able to keep a distance and a rational mind when things aren't going quite as you'd like them to.
This impacts your body because of how your perception of yourself is impacted. When you are constantly pushing you'll feel more stressed, won't sleep as well, might reach for food or drink to numb your feelings and feel less motivated to prioritise time out to recharge becuase of the fear of not working
And then you'll put all of that back onto your appearance. Be conscious of these cycles. Keep a distance, observe them with a "hmmm that's interesting" gaze. Then ask yourself
"What do I need to do differently in order to *insert your desired outcome*
YOU are at the centre of absolutely everything you do. It is absolutely imperative you value yourself above all else. Commit to reframing all negative thoughts about yourself from here on in! Over time it becomes an automatic process and you will be able to find opportunities and solution in pretty much every problem.
Value yourself as a person before your appearance. Remember what you look like does not actually impact your skillset, they're just beliefs that are making you think you are not doing as well as everyone else. Keep identifying the gaps you compare yourself to/in.
6. Embody Your New Identity & Commit To Your Actions For Long Term Transformation
Be kind to yourself and see this as a framework to evolve alongside. This is not something you take on or off, the real transformation comes in sticking with it, but in a way it is something you will focus on, forget about when things are going well and come back to when things are not to help you re-clarify what is important for you and why.
When you feel demotivated go back to explore what is important for YOU. Sometimes without realising it we stray from the path and start comparing ourselves more to others again. You need to also commit to not doing that. Get highly diligent at managing your thoughts that pit you against your peers or those you see around you. Otherwise you'll have too much evidence to yourself that proves why you are not getting the results you crave and a slight victim mindset might slip in.
You might also find those hyper ambitious tendencies come back in, if you start to not feel happy in your body and comparisonitis is running amok check in with how your gratitude for your current life is, where you are rushing the process or applying unnecessary pressure on yourself. Perhaps you need to take that rest again to recharge your creative juices. In self employment this is especially important to be able to keep innovating, supporting your business and looking after your own well-being.
It happens to all of us, even life and mindset coaches, so we all have to commit to being aware of our thought and getting better at hearing them but not necessarily listening to them.
It is a lifelong choice to yourself. It might be the start of an incredibly exciting new chapter for you. Transforming your body is an ongoing process in line with your personal and professional goals. I said the steps were simple, they are, but they do take investment of your time, energy and focus 😬
There are, of course, many other practicalities that you can explore within this framwwork with goal setting and more specific support from a nutritional or fitness focus. However, these 6 steps are the foundation of lifelong physical transformation alongside positive mindset changes: Crucial in overcoming the obstacles that will try and de-rail you from your desired outcome
And together WOW, honestly hand on heart you will experience incredible physical, mental and emotional transformation when you follow these steps:
1. Get Clear On What You Want. Be HONEST About The Changes You Want To Make
2. Clarify What You Will Gain From Your Efforts: How Will This Change Your Life?
3. What Are You Missing To Make The Changes Happen? What Do You Need To Get/Do/Say or Organise?
4. Let Go Of Your Fear Of Weight Gain: Allow Your Body To Change
5. Value Yourself (More): You Are Your Most Valuable Asset!
6. Embody Your New Identity & Commit To Your Actions For Long Term Transformation
When I started writing this blog, it was going to be a quick 60 minute job. But really, there is so much to unpack so it ended up taking a whole day to finish! If anything this serves as a reminder too for when we want results, sometimes they take longer than we expect. And sometimes we need to cut ourselves some slack - we are always learning!
Hang on in there, keep going, keep encouraging yourself and definitely share with me what you uncover, discover and commit to after reading this post. You've invested a lot of time in reading it, thank you, so now go out there and make the transformations you dream of making! I would love to hear about your discoveries and transformations so tag or message me on Instagram with your updates, wins and commitments to yourself!
If you want more guidance you can get access to my 12 week programme Refresh & Renew here or my 1:1 coaching packages here